Sunday, April 8, 2007

The writing never stops

What a great Easter break. I didn't plan ANYTHING. I slept late, ate what I wanted (no rice though as still on the no-carb diet which I've broken a few times but not enough times to feel bad), and did chores when I felt like it. It was like one stretched Saturday for me to do everything I wanted to do. I went for a run each day at the Nurrangingy Reserve with my grandma keeping me company (as in, me running and her, sitting and reading a romance novel). I also did some voice lessons, watched several DVDs and thought about what I need to do for the mag.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Enough with Britney Already

Part of my daily ritual is passing by a news agency on my way to work. I wish I can buy all the magazines I want to buy but that would just be too expensive. Well, another week, another story about the usual characters from Britney Spears to Lindsay Lohan to Angelina Jolie (and the occasional one for Jennifer Aniston). It's gotten to the point where I am almost physically sick at how these women's magazines are making money out of glorifying and gorifying the lives of actors/singers/celebrities. Can you honestly work in a place where all you talk about are the minutiae of other people's lives? I think it's sad what's happened to Britney. My friend said she's having a breakdown with a capital B. Who wouldn't? You've got two kids to take care of while going through a divorce while going through an artist funk while going through a "who am I" identity crisis while going through "i've got no friends" crisis, while going through "my bank balance is plummeting" crisis and all this, in the front pages of a magazine the next day.

And now the latest breaking news, Angelina Jolie has adopted her fourth child. I think, good for her. But really, is that a page one story? Here comes all these magazines milking the story for all its worth, until they've got nothing else to talk about in which case they revert to Brad and Angelina having relationship problems.

Meanwhile, BBC has done another piece about Israeli soldiers using an 11-year old Palestinian girl as a human shield. I've since found that wikipedia's entry on "human shield" contains numerous links on this appalling military tactic.

The Washington Post did have an article with Angelina Jolie in it. And thank God this one had nothing to do with her children nor Brad Pitt.

Justice for Darfur
By Angelina Jolie
Wednesday, February 28, 2007; A19

BAHAI, Chad -- Here, at this refugee camp on the border of Sudan, nothing separates us from Darfur but a small stretch of desert and a line on a map. All the same, it's a line I can't cross. As a representative of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, I have traveled into Darfur before, and I had hoped to return. But the UNHCR has told me that this camp, Oure Cassoni, is as close as I can get.

Sticking to this side of the Sudanese border is supposed to keep me safe. By every measure -- killings, rapes, the burning and looting of villages -- the violence in Darfur has increased since my last visit, in 2004. The death toll has passed 200,000; in four years of fighting, Janjaweed militia members have driven 2.5 million people from their homes, including the 26,000 refugees crowded into Oure Cassoni.

Attacks on aid workers are rising, another reason I was told to stay out of Darfur. By drawing attention to their heroic work -- their efforts to keep refugees alive, to keep camps like this one from being consumed by chaos and fear -- I would put them at greater risk.

I've seen how aid workers and nongovernmental organizations make a difference to people struggling for survival. I can see on workers' faces the toll their efforts have taken. Sitting among them, I'm amazed by their bravery and resilience. But humanitarian relief alone will never be enough.

Until the killers and their sponsors are prosecuted and punished, violence will continue on a massive scale. Ending it may well require military action. But accountability can also come from international tribunals, measuring the perpetrators against international standards of justice.
Accountability is a powerful force. It has the potential to change behavior -- to check aggression by those who are used to acting with impunity. Luis Moreno-Ocampo, chief prosecutor of the International Criminal Court (ICC), has said that genocide is not a crime of passion; it is a calculated offense. He's right. When crimes against humanity are punished consistently and severely, the killers' calculus will change.

On Monday I asked a group of refugees about their needs. Better tents, said one; better access to medical facilities, said another. Then a teenage boy raised his hand and said, with powerful simplicity, "Nous voulons une épreuve." We want a trial. He is why I am encouraged by the ICC's announcement yesterday that it will prosecute a former Sudanese minister of state and a Janjaweed leader on charges of crimes against humanity.

Some critics of the ICC have said indictments could make the situation worse. The threat of prosecution gives the accused a reason to keep fighting, they argue. Sudanese officials have echoed this argument, saying that the ICC's involvement, and the implication of their own eventual prosecution, is why they have refused to allow U.N. peacekeepers into Darfur.

It is not clear, though, why we should take Khartoum at its word. And the notion that the threat of ICC indictments has somehow exacerbated the problem doesn't make sense, given the history of the conflict. Khartoum's claims aside, would we in America ever accept the logic that we shouldn't prosecute murderers because the threat of prosecution might provoke them to continue killing?

When I was in Chad in June 2004, refugees told me about systematic attacks on their villages. It was estimated then that more than 1,000 people were dying each week.

In October 2004 I visited West Darfur, where I heard horrific stories, including accounts of gang-rapes of mothers and their children. By that time, the UNHCR estimated, 1.6 million people had been displaced in the three provinces of Darfur and 200,000 others had fled to Chad.
It wasn't until June 2005 that the ICC began to investigate. By then the campaign of violence was well underway.

As the prosecutions unfold, I hope the international community will intervene, right away, to protect the people of Darfur and prevent further violence. The refugees don't need more resolutions or statements of concern. They need follow-through on past promises of action.
There has been a groundswell of public support for action. People may disagree on how to intervene -- airstrikes, sending troops, sanctions, divestment -- but we all should agree that the slaughter must be stopped and the perpetrators brought to justice.

In my five years with UNHCR, I have visited more than 20 refugee camps in Sierra Leone, Congo, Kosovo and elsewhere. I have met families uprooted by conflict and lobbied governments to help them. Years later, I have found myself at the same camps, hearing the same stories and seeing the same lack of clean water, medicine, security and hope.

It has become clear to me that there will be no enduring peace without justice. History shows that there will be another Darfur, another exodus, in a vicious cycle of bloodshed and retribution. But an international court finally exists. It will be as strong as the support we give it.

This might be the moment we stop the cycle of violence and end our tolerance for crimes against humanity.

What the worst people in the world fear most is justice. That's what we should deliver.

The writer is a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations High Commission for Refugees

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

My take on the Oscars

Last night was Oscar night. I was supposed to do all these other stuff but ended up dropping everything to watch the show from start to finish. I was at least double tasking as I was on the net trying to tinker with my LJ blog. All these net stuff is complimakated!!!
I thought it was a great night in, watching all these talented actors and actresses wait for their names to be called. Ellen set the tone by cracking a joke about "aiming low". That she dreamt she'll host the Oscars one day. "That should be a lesson to all you children out there. Aim lower," she joked.

Scorsese and getting the Oscar

To be honest I watched the ENTIRE show just so I can witness the moment when the camera zooms in to Scorsese when they announce 'best director'. It turned out to be an anti-climax though. A let down even when he gave his speech and he didn't sound overcome by emotions (I want tears!!!). Like he knew it was in the bag and that if the Oscar did go to someone else that night, in everyone's mind, Scorsese owned it. And it's so true that the Oscar should have gone to him for 'Raging Bull' or 'Taxi Driver'. I enjoyed 'The Departed' but it's not exactly his best work. Like he said, he can go on now and do his work, now that he's got the statue.
I was more elated when they announced that 'best film' went to The Departed, that way they spoke of Scorsese's co-producer??? whom he met while he was still at NYU Film School. Now that is a story.

Hudson winning Best Supporting Actress

Wow, now THAT was completely unexpected. Everyone thought Cate Blanchett would bag the award for sure. I haven't seen Notes of a Scandal so can't really judge but if there was ever a moment where the stars were aligned for an actress, where the role practically had her name on it, Hudson playing the spurned lover and singer of the Dreamettes was it.
I loved her acceptance speech. What a moment for her. And she thanked her grandmother too (Jamie Foxx did the same thing I think). I am sooo glad she won it. She definitely eclipsed Beyonce in the acting stakes though admittedly, Beyonce's character was supposed to be the weaker one of the two.

But Beyonce must be kicking herself. I don't think you can trust 'quotes' from gossip rags but apparently she said she would have gained the extra 15kg to play the part. I'm not so sure about that. It would have meant cancelling all her other gigs. She did lose weight for the part though and she was perfect as the Diana Ross character anyway. As for the movie being her launching pad, well, they couldn't be more wrong. It was definitely Hudson's movie (okay, Eddie Murphy gets a special mention although I don't think his character was developed well enough in the movie for me to agree that his acting was Oscar material).

Forest Whitaker

I don't know how many people know this but Whitaker produced and directed a romantic movie called 'First Daughter' starring Katie Holmes back in 2004. He also directed 'Hope Floats' and 'Waiting to Exhale'. Added to my 'trivia on Whitaker' is the fact that he nabbed two scholarship training as an operatic tenor. Now I've just checked his bio on www.imdb.com and found his acting talent was recognised way,waaay back in 1988 when he won 'best actor' at the Cannes Festival.

He was so composed when he received the award. Certainly different to Cuba Gooding's acceptance speech (though I liked both equally). I enjoyed watching 'The Last King of Scotland' (because of his portrayal, not so much that of the doctor). So good to see an actor of his pedigree getting the Oscar this year.

I haven't seen 'The Queen' yet though I have seen a few of Helen Mirren's films. I'd hate to ride on the Mirren bandwagon (there were several references to her during the show) but talk about someone who's absolutely gorgeous and natural looking. She's not just aging gracefully. She's all grace and no age. I digress now but my only gripe about the Oscars is that everyone, from Reese Witherspoon to Nicole Kidman, to Penelope Cruz, and the list goes on, looked liked they've lost a lot of weight. I think they'd look better with a few pounds extra. Which is why I liked Hudson all the more because she just looked so healthy compared to the others. I hope she stays that way.

Pan's Labyrinth

Saving the best for last. Apparently director and screen play writer Guillermo del Toro received a 22 minute standing ovation at Cannes for this one. If you haven't seen it, you should. Set in post-Civil War Spain in 1944, it's two stories overlapping each other and centers around a 12-year old girl who loves reading fairy tales. I liked this even more than the other Oscar-nominated films because it reminded me of my life as a young girl living in the province. It was perfectly normal to believe warnings from my aunties/uncles/family friends about not walking past the public school at night because there's a kapre that likes to scare passersby. Or the story about the floating coffin that makes a regular appearance near the fishing port during the wee hours of the night. Then there's the term diri sugad ha atun which translates to not like us. It's not about monsters or evil creatures but rather 'folks' who are just not human. In Butason, my maternal grandfather's land which was four hours drive away from the closest town plus an hour boat ride plus a 15 minute walk (it was so remote even the Japanese soldiers during the War didn't know about it), it was perfectly normal for my brother, my cousins and I to say "Excuse us" or "we're just passing through" whenever we ventured out to play or when we do our mountain walks. I never had any creepy encounter all those years though there were some experiences that came close. Watching 'Pan's Labyrinth' takes me back to my childhood days, which is a good thing.
For my records, I have listed Pan's Labyrinth's awards and nominations.

Awards
Wins
Oscars/Academy AwardsAchievement in Cinematography Achievement in Makeup Achievement in Art Direction
British Academy of Film and Television ArtsBest Foreign Language Film Best Costume Design Makeup and Hair
Goya AwardsBest Cinematography (Mejor Fotografía) Best Editing (Mejor Montaje) Best Make Up & Hairstyles (Mejor Maquillaje y/o Peluquería) Best New Actress (Mejor Actriz Revelación) Ivana Baquero. Best Screenplay - Original (Mejor Guión Original) Best Sound (Mejor Sonido) Best Special Effects (Mejores Efectos Especiales)
Other prizesBest Fantasy Film from the Production Design Awards Best Picture of the Year from the National Society of Film Critics Best Foreign Language Film from San Francisco Film Critics Circle Best Foreign Language Film from Washington D.C. Area Film Critics Association Best Foreign Language Film from Southeastern Film Critics Association Best Foreign Language Film and Best Cinematography from Florida Film Critics Circle Best Foreign Language Film and Best Original Screenplay from Online Film Critics Society Best Foreign Language Film and Best Cinematography from Boston Society of Film Critics Best Cinematography from New York Film Critics Circle Best Cinematography from the Independent Spirit Awards Best Cinematography from Camerimage Golden Frog Awards 2006 Best Production Design from Los Angeles Film Critics Association Motion Picture, Animated or Mixed Media from Satellite Awards
Nominations
Golden GlobeNominated for Best Foreign Film
British Academy of Film and Television ArtsBest Original Screenplay Best Cinematography Best Production Design Best Sound Achievement in Special Visual Effects
OscarsBest Foreign Language Film of the Year Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Score) Original Screenplay

-*-

I'm not sure I want to comment on the outfits. Many, if not all, of them looked gorgeous. Except Kirsten Dunst could have chosen a better look but on the whole, I don't think there were any major disasters this year.

I can't help but compare (though it's not strictly apples-for-apples) the Oscars and say, the Grammys or the Billboards or MTV. Or the Oscars with the BAFTA, the Golden Globe or (ewww), the Logies. I'm just happy to watch an awards night where there were no mention of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, where there were no jokes about Brangelina or Bennifer and where people were lauded for their talent, not their looks.

It was also great to see someone say 'she she' (thanks in Chinese?) and Clint Eastwood acting as translator. You've got to admit, we all have to thank the Oscars for shunning the mediocrity that pervades in Hollywood and dedicate an entire event for those who are in constant pursuit of excellence and innovation in the film industry.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Index finger

The alarm went off at the usual time of 5.30am this morning. This time though I had to wake up to get to a 7.30am breakfast at 1 Macquarie Place. Level 31 offers an unbelievable view of the Harbour Bridge. Sometimes I forget that I live in Sydney. It's easy to forget when you don't see the water.

It was a struggle to make it to the train station by 6.30am. I didn't. I missed the 6.40am ish train which would have given me enough time to get to the breakfast meeting on time. But there was no way I would leave without preparing my daily cup of coffee. Irish Flavoured!

I was the last one to get there but I made it. And Sharon sat me next to the head portfolio manager which I thought was quite flattering. (I am watching The Good Sheperd right now. I used to love Angelina Jolie. Back in the days when she played second fiddle to Winona Ryder and people noticed her for her acting, not her lips and her husband Brad Pitt). Back to the meeting, we were given the option of either a "hot" breakfast or a "cold" breakfast. Damn it I woke up early for this so I asked for a hot brekky. The three words I always love to hear in the morning - bacon and eggs! Not to mention I learnt something about indexed hedge funds while I was there.

I managed to turn it into a story. The $US5 billion dollars they raised in two years. And the new commodity-style hedge funds they're going to track.

A few hours later I get a call from BT's head of the alternative investments saying the guy was talking bullshit about not paying performance fees because that's still factored in the index. I think it's great that he called in to share his views but it makes me wonder how people can be selective about what information they provide. I'm not specifically talking about this BT guy but that one of the hardest bit about being a journo is making your judgement about what story to pursue regardless of how the data is given to you.

It was an incredibly stressful day in that I didn't even have time for a full lunch (as usual though I went to my favourite takeaway place for pork chop and vegetable rice. Something different from my usual chicken and hainanese rice.

Skipped the Managed Accounts conference. Shame. But there's only so much time during the day.

Tomorrow's a new day. I've got two coffee meetings to go to. Wish I could go out on Thursday night but nobody wants to go out on a worknight!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Saturday

I went for a power walk this morning at Nurragingy. There was a dress rehearsal there for a Filipino wedding. I thought it was so sweet how the family all came to "practice" for the actual ceremony. Takes the element of surprise off a bit though. I don't know. I personally wouldn't want a practice run though it does mean the day is more organised.

Yesterday was a productive day. I managed to file 80 per cent of my feature story and I interviewed a guy who is a fund manager in GS. He flew all the way from the US and had that air of Manhattan about him. It always interests me to meet these people and think in my head how different our lives must be. I am always trying to look for people in the industry who doesn't have the ego that comes with managing billions of money. PXS is a great example of someone who seems grounded for a guy who founded one of the top 10 Australian managed funds. This guy, from GS, is from the other school, it seems. The Ivy league to Wall Street type. Overall though I find that even the most egotistical fund manager (not that I'm saying this guy from GS is one) respects research and professionalism. It doesn't matter that I get paid how much they earn in a day. Besides, we all walk our own path. What matters is that they do their job right and I do mine. One of the best advice I've ever received was from NT who told me, when I just started in the industry and felt intimidated by meeting chief executives, he said "never, ever feel like you're any less a person than they are simply from their position". Sure they have big responsibilities but it's just their job. I've taken that advice with me wherever I go. Someone once wrote a document on the basis that "all men are equal". Sounds obvious but it's interesting how some people can be blindsided by their own self-importance to understand that in the end, it's just a job. What matters is how they treat people.

Prior to that, I sat in a profile interview for another guy who was just appointed chief exec of another leading fund management company. Again my mind was working double time trying to figure this guy out. It wasn't my interview. I just tagged along for the sake of the junior journo. I don't know. It's like a wall or a mask of sorts. They don't have any problems talking about the company and what they've achieved but hone in on their personal life and they clam up. Hah! Why should you open up to a journalist? But that's what a 'profile' interview is. Though it is the goal of the journalist/interviewer to at least establish a foundation of trust, even within the limited time you have, to make the interviewee comfortable. And I think N** achieved that.

After the lengthy interview, where I felt we didn't really get to the core of who he is and that the profile would be 2D, I asked him what his father does/did. It turned out that he was the son of a jazz musician who played seven nights a week and at 61, has come back to the local pub circuit to play as a drummer. That was like opening up the floodgates. From there I discovered that his children are musical enthusiasts as well and play several instruments, that he played drums and was in a band before he got into the world of investing and that he never went to Uni at all. After highschool and 12 years of work experience, he went in and did his MBA.

So there it was. That's the 3D.

My friend and I are on regular email. He emailed me just before he left work for the day. I thought that was so sweet. :D It was a little gesture though and I won't make a big deal out of it. But new relationships can be so fragile. And in these days when a girl's supposed to make the move if she likes someone, it gets complimakated! At least before you would know if a guy likes you because you go through a courtship process and then you accept or decline. Well, there had to be a trade-off for the invention of microwave!

I had a mini car accident today. I was reversing from a very narrow and busy carpark in Blacktown when this guy was reversing too except he was rushing and I didn't see him! Before I knew it, there was this abrupt, grating sound coming from behind and I saw this car (the driver wasn't even looking at me nor the source of the sound) and sped off! I was so shocked I didn't memorise his license plate.

On closer inspection, my brother said he could fix it with $700 and $20 for a quick polish. He said I am fortunate I had my wax guard on as it looks like the scratches (I thought) were really the dirt from the guy's car that got stuck on the wax guard.

I made a quick calculation and discovered that for two rugs worth $10, drinks worth $15, a new jug for $4 and a new coffee cup for $8, I actually spend roughly $800 this morning no thanks to the accident. Though my brother said we can skip the $700 and just get the $20 polish.

It made me think about how, if only I was 10 seconds later or earlier, that the accident wouldn't have happened. But as Milan Kundera suggested in "The unbearable lightness of being", we could live our life choosing either or but that the end game will still be the same.

So I'll just charge this one to experience and be more careful next time. Thank God for brothers who know a lot about cars.

m

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Under construction

It is 20 minutes to Valentine's Day and I refuse to admit that I am dateless. Who wants to hear about someone going wah-wah about not finding a date. Surely there's nothing wrong with me? But my one hope of a new friendship has petered out into the ether with ne'er an email. Not even a text. The best way to break up with someone, in a world of communicating devices such as cordless phones, mobile phones, voice mail, fax machines, skype, email, msn, yahoo chat, daily coffee is...well...not to communicate.

I read a piece today on the NY Times titled somewhere along the lines "Why writers write?" It suggests that people tend to think that writers write in order to relate to people, to expunge inner emotional turmoil, to get closure and so on. But the columnist hit the nail right on the head when he said writers write for the sake of writing. I keep writing not so I can feel better. How can I feel better from the mere tip-tapping of my laptop. Much better to actually be in front of the person and just let it all out.

Instead I write because I'm addicted to it. As the columnist said, it's the sentence construction. It's the how, not the why. It's the when, not the what. As for me, I write because ... because seeing my thoughts float on screen is like a sculptor gazing at his sculpture. It is art. My art. But unlike many artists who don't care much for approval and show their wares around, most times I just want to keep my writing under my belt, so I can look at it without unwelcome criticism. Like that scene in The Pursuit of Happyness, I am trying to protect my dream.

I am still so bloody lazy when it comes to my writing. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's really bad. My aim is to be consistent.

I did, however, manage to churn out a 3,300 word copy on a feature I'm writing on property. It's like I was in the zone. I knew what I wanted to write, I spoke to people, I gathered my research, I printed them out, I took notes, had all my headlines sorted out and before I knew it, I was writing like a mad woman for three hours. I can hear my fingers bash against my keyboard and I didn't care. This is my court and I'm running with the ball I had. It's called focus. When I focus, this ball of energy inside me works like a pipe, feeding me words, turn of phrases, elephant memory on quotes, passing from my stubby pudgy fingers to the screen. It's Times New Roman. Size 14. Start text here.

I don't know how long I talk on the phone. I don't know how people see me. I spoke to a PR person who told me a guy, who is in a fairly senior position, has resigned. He's got muscular dystrophy. He surely has more than $15 million in the bank. It is a cruel joke that a person should have all that money and not the strength to spend it. But I don't want to be hasty in judging how a person's life has turned out. He was in a company he loved for 22 years. It's about time he turn in the towel, or whatever the phrase is supposed to be.

I was in the Zone. Words were coming out of my ears. Tomorrow is a new day. I do hope I make my deadline this time.

As for love, well, love has eluded me again. It may not happen this year. I don't know. But I am still hopeful. Surely it will happen? I can't think of it not happening though there is enough to occupy me in this lifetime.

Monday, February 12, 2007

ahhhhhhh

counting the days till thursday. patience is a virtue. and i clearly don't have it!

m

Friday, February 9, 2007

Love

It's so scary to talk about love. It happens to most people but so far, not to me. A friend of mine cried today, pining about it for years. I do hope she meets someone. She's the most beautiful person on earth, she's got so much love in her (which she showers on her dogs) and she's got the most beautiful eyes. How is it that when I describe my friends I say "most beautiful"? They're not physically beautiful based on society's standards but inside, they are. I hope they (this friend and another) finds love soon.

As for me, there is a prospect. Though I wish I can find out whether he likes me or not. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Love is so hard to find.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

still writing!

Day two of the no inspiration day. I've managed to start the piece though and I'll keep going until I've got something to submit. then I'll have more time to re-do it again afterwards. Just when I think I've got it hard, I was reading the "newspapers" book and found that all the journos for top notch mainstream newspapers don't even get a full lunch. This girl was writing till 2am, went to work at 9am and filed her story by 2pm. Then on to the next story. So why am I complaining? I wish there was a boot camp for writers. That would be good for me.

My friend gave me The Inheritance of Loss, bought all the way from India. I started reading it and I wasn't hooked to keep going. I was also reading Isabel Allende's "The Forest of Pygmies" or something and that didn't hook me either. Which leads me to this comforting conclusion: Not all brilliant writers are consistently brilliant! If Sedai can get a Man Booker Prize for a book that I didn't even read past page 1, I am okay!

Back to the grind like a butcher on Christmas day.

m

looking for inspiration

I'm looking for inspiration for my profile piece. every time i write, i feel like i'm a messenger (which is really what a writer is) speaking on the profilee's behalf. i don't want to mess it up. this is their one second to shine. and it's my inadequacy that's kept me from writing this profile for so long. 6 hours in fact. during that time, i managed to help my mom rearrange my house and move the dining room elsewhere. the house is clean, my bedroom floor's been vacuumed, there are fresh towels on top of my laundry basket but no profile story. i struggle every time. thank goodness a friend of mine said that you would. every story. no matter how long you've been in the game, it's like pulling teeth every time. except for the natural writers. those who were born with a silver pen on their mouth. prattle along and it still reads like prose or poetry.

as for me, i just need to keep looking for inspiration. one of these days i will blossom into something wonderful. my muse will stay put right beside me. in the meantime, i'll be pulling teeth.

m

Sunday, January 7, 2007

To Veronica Guerin

Just finished watching "Veronica Guerin" starring Cate Blanchett. This is just a prayer to the universe honoring her role in changing Ireland for the better. It is a shame though that the people were only galvanised after she was killed but I will not question God's decisions. What a journalist. I wish I had that kind of guts to write the kind of stories she did. But I don't. I hope that on the day though, if that ever comes, when I am called on to write the truth, even if it means putting my life on the line, I can draw from her courage for the greater good.